And the moral of the story is...

Don't form any expectations before you open the book.

The book in question being A Slip In Time, by Kathleen Kirkwood.

 The premise promised a fair amount of amusement.  There's the fish-out-of-water theme of a medieval Scottish nobleman pitching up in the Victorian era versus a prissy Victorian shabby-genteel woman coping with an oiled-up near-barbarian.  There's, of course, the appeal of the supernatural.  And of course there are lots of descriptions of pretty dresses and stately homes.  To myself, I was thining, "oh boy, oh boy...the bar's set pretty high with this one.  Hell of a way to start out this blog, what with horny Medieval Scotsmen, trembling Victorian virgins, time-travel, mystery, and social intrigue."  Because I was all charged up to read a rockin' fast-paced mystery novel with time-travel, boning, and betrayal, the pacing, back-story, and frankly not-very-sexy sex scenes came as a total bummer.

I'll say this right now in Ms. Kirkwood's defense - chick does know late-Victorian fashion.  She described one of her heroine's day dresses as being about a year out of fashion and explained how in a way which was absolutely factual and accurate for 1893.

Choosing a morning dress of striped changeable silk, she rid herself of the dressing sacque and drew it on. Betty gushed over the gown's details - the multicolored stripes of rose, green, and brown, and the lacy "Vandykes," long V-shaped points of snowy Irish lace running in double rows down the bodice and edging the cuffs. In truth, the style was a year out of date, the skirt being somewhat narrower than this season's, and the upper sleeves not as full above the elbow..."

However, the storyline had a real tendency to bog down in background - about the betrayals Rae's middle brother was orchestrating and the Cinderella-and-the-Stepsisters situation that Julia's aunt was inflicting upon Julia.  The author spent perhaps too much time making clear that the heroine and hero were wronged parties and perversely made them less sympathetic characters through utter fatigue of the point.  And don't get me started on the sex scenes.  They were about as sexy as a bowl of cold porridge.  I believe Ms. Kirkwood's favored term for gettin' it on was "he filled her."  Although at one point, he sheathed himself within her.  Um.  Eeew.  Fuck!

I felt that the explanation of why the protagonists keep time-traveling was a bit labored and...nebulous, as well.  Apparently it's gemstones and phases of the moon.  And the only way they can seal their fate and love is to rid the entire property of any kind of mineral crystal before the moon  turns full.

The story has some moments of charm.  The elderly Lord Muir taking Julia under his wing is rather sweet, and the interplay between kinsmen Lord Muir and Rae McKinnon is amusing at times.  The scene where Lord Muir's supernaturalists are testing the time slip wherein Julia is fending off Rae's seduction is actually giggle-worthy.  But on the whole, the story is surprisingly tedious when you consider that it's a tale of time-travel, prissy Victorian virgins and virile Medieval Scotsmen.

I reckon I'll give this one a C-

Bodice Ripper Bullet Points

•  Early on in the story, Rae thinks Julia is a witch and tears her nightgown off of her and inspects "every inch of her body.
• After ascertaining that no mark of the Devil could be found on her tender flesh he decided she owed him a kiss after all his efforts and lays upon her the most intrusive and quite frankly obnoxious French kiss I've ever read about.  To wit:  

  "Julia saw the hungry look kindle in the Scotsman's eyes.  He gathered her to him, drawing her up in his arms til they both knelt in the middle of the mattress, pressed together.  Before she could protest, his mouth crushed down on hers, a searing possessive kiss.
  
  His hand slid down her spine to the hollow of her back, then over her backside (NB: she's still buck nekkid from the inspection process) kneading her flesh and Holding her firmly against him.  The wool of his plaid rasped her tender flesh and through its folds she felt the hard, shocking proof of his desire. 
  
  Julia struggled to no avail as the Scotsman continued his aggression, parting her lips and invading her mouth.  She started as his tongue laid siege to hers, stroking, fencing, and ravishing till her blood surged beneath his seduction.  Her voice abandoned her, as did her strength, so undone was she by his virile highland possession." 

•  At another point in the proceedings, after Julia decides that she likes doing the nasty with Rae, they both get so horny that he can't wait to remove her corset the regular way (loosen the laces, unhook the busk) and so he whips out his dirk (hurr, hurr, hurr) and slices the laces asunder.

And because my brains have been warped by lo these many years of trashy pop-cultural exposure, pretty much EVERY time they mention a "time slip" in this story, I had a really damn hard time not belting out, "Let's Do The Time Warp Agaiiiiinnnnnnnnn!"